Sun into Aquarius: Shifting

800px-Jheronimus_Bosch_023Last night I dreamt that I was at Cobweb Designs, the gallery in our local village where I do consultations and help out in the shop. Of course being a dream it has metamorphosed into a different reality; I have visited this place before in nightly sojourns. It is a bigger store, more open to a cobbled street, full of people. This is a prosperous venue with a bevy of paid staff.

This transformation is not reflected in my space which in reality is a beautifully appointed room. I am directed to my clients who are twin boys with a physical disability that makes there bodies wasted, twisted and weak. They are young men probably about 18 years old and have been ushered into one of two egg shaped modules where I apparently do my readings. I look in on them and it is a stale, green felt environment, musty with mildew. Disgusted, I usher them out planning to use the other egg which evaporates and so we settle on a bed to do the tarot reading. These young men are eager even when I haven’t got my usual deck and have to struggle with large unfamiliar cards which I choose randomly. The designs are very intricate and colourful. It takes me time to translate them from my old deck and discuss the meaning. The twins have no trouble identifying them as we excitedly explore their potential. Our location constantly changes. Sometimes we are surrounded by their peers who jeer at their weirdness, sometimes we are around a campfire lost in time or amongst the trees on my property. We lose ourselves in the possible world we are creating via the mind expanding promise of the cards.

On waking I recognise that these twins, represented the Aquarian portion of my Gemini self. This is the so called higher mind: alien, genius, visionary – not quite physically grounded in our present world, connected to a different drum beat and inventing the future that in time will become manifest and accepted as normal. These are the folk that whisper to us in Elvish or deliver alien messages from their journey around the cosmos. They pour the electrified water from their urn which kickstarts us into a better world.

Since 21-12 I have felt the energy shifting from the downloads we have received over recent years to a solid grounding in the energy of the earth. I have never felt as rooted and held by the mother as I have over this last month. This has provided a grounding, a solid security of belonging and a desire to serve the planet and an  awareness that the work of Capricorn is to serve our connection to the changing earth. Now in Aquarius we are more likely to perceive the waterfall of light energy pouring over us from  the Aquarian urn, which must be located in the galactic centre.

Sometime during the Capricorn cycle I stumbled upon a Youtube clip which presented a new theory of the Earth. This has fascinated me, regularly playing over in my mind. It rejects the idea of continental drift, proposing instead that the earth is expanding. That the earth started out as a solid marble of land and as it grew the land broke apart forming the continents and the gaps filled with water that became our oceans. I must say I rather like the idea of the heavy denseness being magically filled with transparent glistening water. The solid reality becomes looser, more flexible and iridescent with shine and shimmer. Water absorbs everything, taking the form of whatever it comes in contact with. It is where life is conceived and born. It takes the imprint of light and is able to bring potential to full term. It is this light-seed that Aquarius implants in the next sign. Pisces watery womb carries the Aquarian imprint and nurtures matrixes of other dimensions and unknown futures.

Towards the end of Capricorn, Venus triggered the Uranus/Pluto square by first squaring Uranus and then joining Pluto. This has been a strange time of sudden events and intense and erratic changes of the energy. I have noticed environments being full and alive with celebration, quickly empty, as if all the air has been sucked out and the streets turn into a ghostly town. These shifts happen during the day, turning on a dime. People describe losing inspiration, feeling empty, deciding to give up. They are puzzled because they have shifted from being so connected and uplifted. Then its all gone, a mere memory.

I see Pluto is working away in his underground kingdom clearing more and more of what holds us to our known reality. It is doing the emptying like a deep vortex sucking out all that is old and decayed. Uranus is now reinforced by Aquarius filling the space with high pulsating light, still a little out of reach for the vibrational range of our senses. Together they are creating a void in our normal range of perception and yet we are birthing new senses that can still detect what is happening all around us. The egg that has contained us like in my dream has become too small and putrid – we need to break out into new visions and new surroundings.

During Capricorn I have sat with the mother amongst the Pine trees connecting to the rhythm of her heartbeat. The last few days since the Sun has moved into Aquarius I have walked on waking. A gumtree called to me, alive with flowers, bees and ants. This tree alone amongst a grove of upright companions was in full bloom. Like the twins in my dream it was different; it had twisted its natural upright shape to form an almost horizontal spiral, angling itself away from the shade of its companions and out into the light.

On the river beach I close my eyes in meditation and when I open them I feel giddy. The expanse of water in front of me reveals its underwater world in patches, the changeable surface reflects dancing light in different ways and are sometimes fully eclipsed by the misty clouds.  The sand forms many tidal patterns and pebbles flow out in different directions. So many worlds exposed all at once is disorientating. I can feel everything moving, altering, shifting. My feet are no longer on solid ground as everything re-arranges. Whilst we are inundated with the light energy of this sign we have a window into the new world. Let yourself  be immersed in possibility,  you are being seeded by the light that will create its own reality as we birth and grow throughout the year.

 

Image: ‘The Garden of Earthly Delights’ Heronimus Bosch

 

Scorpio Solar Eclipse: Standing on the Brink

Sometimes I get asked where my writing comes from and how long I ponder it. There is a part of me whispering sweet thoughts and lovely words all the time. Composing their exquisite little explosions in my mind. Often this murmuring happens in that delicious state between sleep and waking. The schedule for my posts is set by the movements in the heavens. Sometimes my mortal self writes down the words and other times it makes breakfast and drives the daughter to public transport. My Mercury Retrograde post rode the bus into Hobart. Isn’t that just like Mercury?

This morning I lay in bed naked, spooning with my sleeping partner. Oh my! My back against his solid chest, my bottom comfortable in the seat he proffers, my thighs weightless against his, my calves hanging from his knees and my feet find rest on his footstools. Bliss! I think of giant stone pharaohs in the warm desert sun sitting on their thrones through the millenniums. Not such a bad fate.

There is nothing calling me to get up. I reflect over the last hectic month. It started with a Libra New Moon, I was happily making connections with others, enjoying being taken out of myself. As the Sun moved into Scorpio and the Moon grew full, the weather got wilder and life became an exhilarating ride. Scorpio likes to know it is alive and by living on the edge, knowing all could soon be finished, makes each breath exquisite. Libra connects us to others via relationships whilst Scorpio merges completely, not knowing where one begins or the other ends.

Mercury is now retrograde and retracing its steps over the path it has trodden since October the 18th and the Moon is waning into Darkness before it eclipses the Sun tomorrow. I find myself reviewing what I have merged with over the years, trying to unpick the seams to discover who I am now.

In Scorpio there is always a release of the redundant or the outgrown. There is much that is completing at this time, some stuff just has to go in order to move forward. Death, transformation, quantum shifts, evolutionary jumps; this is what is demanded of us. Trouble is that standing in this world we cannot grasp what lies ahead. We just have to jump and trust our instincts.

For me, everything is shifting. A week ago my daughter turned 18 and is now legally an adult, or in her words:

 I can legally sue someone, adopt a child, change my name, rent a port-a-potty, get a divorce, purchase R rated movies and go to jail. Oh and pubs.

My Scorpio Princess has become a Queen. She is now sitting her final exams and will be free to design her own life, here on in.

In Libra I was so happy being out in the world with others that I began to wonder whether I had satisfied the needs of my introverted self and was free to socialise with ease. Scorpio with its deep emotion disabused me of that notion. I had a period of feeling very space deprived as the moon was waning. I longed for time living alone. I realised that at this juncture with Kafka, all grown up and  our home on the market, anything was possible.

John and I entertained the possibility of living apart. We have been together for 34 years, maybe it is time to experience something else. It was amazing to discuss this so calmly. There was no rejection of what is, just consideration of what could be.

Somewhere within me this conversation was taboo. It was a boundary, an inner ring-pass-not. Magically, with this discussion, an inner space opened and I felt completely free. Together we were able to discuss our needs and yearnings more honestly, allowing more to be put on the table. We are unlikely to go our separate ways, still it is good to know that we can be open to anything.

The Sun, Moon and Saturn are currently in Scorpio. Saturn defines the limits of the reality we have agreed to accept in this incarnation. The Uranus square Pluto that defines our current time are urging us to break with pre-existent boundaries. I personally feel like I am standing at the edge of my current life ready to jump off the cliff. I have no idea what lies ahead but I am prepared to embark on the adventure.

Many feel this call for a new world. Tomorrow is the Scorpio New Moon. Normally, the Sun is so bright that the Moon is not visible when they are joined. The seed of the cycle is obscured till it is displayed at the full moon. This time there will be an eclipse where the Moon will overshadow the Sun. This will be visible over much of the east coast and top of Australia as well as across the Pacific to Chile. Whatever we birth tomorrow we are capable of seeing it for a moment when the Sun’s glare is obscured by our lunar satellite.

Mercury has regressed back to the Sagittarius/Scorpio cusp. It is possible that as we stand, hand in hand with the Sun, Moon and Saturn at the edge of the Scorpio abyss that Mercury can relay a message back from our future.

Meanwhile my present moment is exquisite. Gaia is resplendent all around me. My daughter, is still my beautiful daughter and this will never change. I lie in my lover’s arms. This is utopia, the New World is right here. Time may go on but the present is eternal.

Image: My Scorpio Princess, Kafka.

Aries Full Moon: The Intention to Connect

I have not yet posted anything on the recent Aries Full Moon, my Virgo Ascendant and Taurus Moon say it is necessary…there is always a Full Moon post. I blame Libra Sun for this tardiness. Why lock myself away in introspective thought when there is so much fun to be had relating to others and the beauty all around me.

I am loving the shift from the personal world that lies below the horizon, as we emerge into a new realm as described by my last post. It is delightful to take my place in the garden and discover the variety of other inhabitants. My intention (Aries) has been to connect (Libra), to drink in the moment and celebrate my companions.

I am seeking (Aries) places of beauty (Libra) and finding them all around me. Falling in love with life is not unusual for me. What is out of the ordinary is that I am not feeling the urgency to push on to all that needs doing. I am at peace, just being with another, allowing the time and the space to be fully present. It is not that the Aries desire to move forward and pioneer new ground has been stifled. The knight is basking in the inspiring presence of his lady. She gives him her fragrant handkerchief, he breathes in her scent and discovers wondrous new lands to explore. Lands of peace and plenty revealed by her kisses. This attention stirs his heroic heart to journey forth and bring the promise of splendour back to the kingdom where his paramour resides.

This Full Moon is even more potent by being aligned with the Uranus/Pluto square that has been dominating the heavens for so long and bringing an urgent desire for change. Pluto in Capricorn is revealing how our system is not working and exposing its intrinsic corruption. It is urging us to claim our power and no longer tolerate what undermines our communities. Uranus in Aries is throwing thunderbolts of insight, showing the possibilities of freedom that can come from implementing radical new ways.

The Moon is fused with Uranus in Aries. The overwhelming energies of these distant planets become personal. By experiencing harmony with another, the hero in all of us, has become motivated to make this way of living the basis of all existence. This Aries Full Moon is a rallying call to allow heaven to reside on earth. Let our intention be to make a true connection with all life, human or otherwise. The potency of this coupling galvanises our innate power to create paradise.

 

Image: Photograph by Shikhei Goh, ‘Dragonfly in the Rain’

 

Virgo New Moon in a Changing World

I haven’t written much as I have felt the desire to stay contained. I have been learning heaps but am not ready to release it or reveal it. The containment of Virgo combined with the fact that the 12th House is a hidden realm has meant that what I experience has been too ineffable to communicate. I am still finding ways to register what I am experiencing let alone expressing it to others.

I was beginning to wonder whether I would write a post again. Contained and hidden is not a good recipe for maintaining a blog.

Thankfully time moves on and the Sun has re-emerged into the first house and the Moon has moved into Libra. I can now present myself (First House) to others (Libra). I am very grateful to all those that check my site for a new post and thank you for your patience.  My commitment is to follow the energy and sometimes that disappears into an inner rabbit-hole or in keeping with the current energy perhaps a wormhole is a better description.

On the 18/19th of September we have the second exact square between Uranus in Aries and Pluto in Capricorn. Are y’all feeling it? On one hand, there are the blissful downloads of insights, filling the body with hope of the possibility that something wonderful is beginning. This is a brave new world unlike anything that we have seen before. Everyday there are whispers of new technologies, new movements that can resolve our impossible problems. One can feel the courage, the insight, the power before us to create a reality that is beneficial for us all. On the other hand, we have the rug pulled from under us as nothing seems to change. Our problems are still here and seem insurmountable. The Masters of War are rattling their sabres, unrest is in the winds and the ‘powers that be’ are holding on with a vice-like grip. This is the stress of two realities. Am I going to stand up for a shiny new idealistic realm where all can be free? Or am I going to bunker down and take defensive action to protect my family in a crumbling world? Do we accept the established but flawed status quo, known as reality, or do we stand up for something that supports the value of each individual and their unique contribution?  It can be extreme but squares, especially ones as powerful as this, feel intense and irresolvable. It seems each position is demanding decisive action and we have to appease both the mighty God of the Underworld with a sacrifice and the Sky God with his call for heroic action.

I have been learning heaps but have not been ready to release it.  I am still finding ways to register what I am experiencing let alone conveying it to others.  I regularly feel the energy and the joy carousing through my body which feels expanded and huge. I feel as if I sit above the experiences of life, my consciousness held in another dimension. I love this state and commit to maintaining it as much as possible. I set the intention at the last New Moon to practise  daily meditation.  Setting up new daily routines and habits are a good use of Virgo energy. I look forward to this time because I know how good I feel afterwards. Daily dwelling in these realms make them more real for me. One of the Virgoan tasks is to take some of the ethereal otherworldly realms of Pisces and anchor it into daily reality.

Part of this process for me has been to become conscious and aware of energy and light in my environment. With my expanded sense of self I am aware of more. Time and space transform and with practise it becomes easier to fully inhabit a moment without losing consciousness. As a result I have increased my awareness of the different dimensions, the structure of the earth, and our role within it. Some of this is learnt but more than this is the new sureness of inner knowing. Neptune is currently in its natural home of Pisces making this otherworldly energy more available to everyone. I have been devoted to making the nonphysical realms more conscious. Virgo rules the cognitive state and given the current strength of the outer planets we can make what is normally hidden from a mundane world, more accessible.

This awareness of light energy has altered the way I view our material situation, however that situation still exists and becomes a polarity in its own right. As one appears to be feeling quite full bodied within a nonphysical realm, one also experiences great density on the physical realm. We have put our house on the market, taking one step into the unknown after another. The movement towards something long resisted, provides its own release and flows easily resulting in a satisfying sense of achievement. Meanwhile, everything about our home glistens. The river and its environs are magnificent as we take our daily walk. The winds of the Equinox have started, creating wonderfully wild weather. Everything is in flux and oh, so beautiful.

All my journeying through Virgo and now with the New Moon I have emerged into my  personal New Year as the Sun begins a new journey around my chart. This annual cycle will contain two exact hits of the Uranus Pluto square, now and in May 2013. There will be a radical (Uranus) transformation (Pluto) of life as we know it. I feel as if I am in the grip of this global process. There seems to be no way to see beyond the present as the changes that we are experiencing are inevitable and unknown. We are undergoing a paradigm shift and it is difficult to divine what may happen when you are still within the old paradigm. Anything is possible. Expect the unexpected. While the changes are emerging as the Sun crosses my natal ascendant, I can expect that this time next year everything will have changed for the world and for me.

Image: Earth and the Moon seen from the stratosphere. Nasa

Pisces Full Moon: Continuous Incarnation

I am very grateful that I have chosen astrology for the theme of my blog. Built within it is an innate timing. The heavens keep moving around our planet, the moon waxes and wanes, the Sun continues its journey through the zodiac; all this continuous movement triggers cosmic events that spur me to write. I am prompted to post again.

I go to sleep wondering what my subject will be. In the morning I emerge from the stupor of my dreams with words, concepts, and stories floating through my consciousness. I rise, jot a few notes and carry out the morning chores. Dressing, waking those that need to be places, preparing breakfasts, and driving to the bus stop. Returning home, preparing my own sustenance, setting up my space, opening the computer, and checking my networks while I eat. Then settling in to create.

Can I connect with my waking insights or will the writing go elsewhere? The words etched on my bedside pad are delusion and discernment, my brother dying, dolphins, reality, christianity, lying, the old king and the challenging hero.

Today there is a Pisces Moon, a relatively rare Blue Moon, which means it is the second Full Moon for the month. It is created by its opposition to the Virgo Sun.

We are the container (Virgo) of our dreams (Pisces). Pisces’  is the realm of infinite possibilities, the collective consciousness and other realms beyond our daily matrix. It is Virgo’s daunting task to capture some aspect of this boundless potential and integrate it into our life, somewhere between tilling the fields and doing the laundry. I am reminded of the Zen Proverb, ‘Before enlightenment- chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment- chop wood, carry water.’ It is Virgo doing the heavy lifting here. Can the wisps of ephemera that occupy the fringe of our awareness be conjured into the space found amongst the density of our chores?

This Full Moon is a doozie! It forms a matrix with the astrological aspect that is signifying the relentless process of global insecurity and change we are experiencing.  Pluto in Capricorn is slowly dismantling all that we thought was set in stone whilst Uranus is continuously darting around, impatiently trying to liberate us from the old with eureka insights about what could be possible. Meanwhile Chiron in Pisces has hooked into the pattern and is offering us the opportunity to heal our wounds. It is tending to the existential trauma of being disconnected from the whole and the alienation we experience by squeezing our vast inner self into what masquerades as reality. All that has happened to our species is held within the genetic memory. Can we let go of the tyranny of history that has left fears that keep us imprisoned in the conformity of a mundane life? Chiron in Pisces is allowing some awareness of these memes to replay and be released.

The Moon in Pisces aligns with Chiron and prompts memories of our origins within the hearts of stars, giving hope for healing from beyond the physical sphere. The Sun in Virgo sits opposite this cosmic pairing and from its earthbound vantage point can catch glimpses of  otherworldly capabilities. It awakens the Virgin  to the possible glitches in the detailed facts she has accepted as true. She knows the limited reality that she is immersed in doesn’t quite make sense. Why would we poison our bodies? Why would we pollute the Earth? Why do we succumb to wage slavery? There is so much we accept as the inevitable human condition. She sees the  perfection of our beautiful and abundant home planet and desires to harness it for everyone’s benefit.

The realm of Pisces is considered an illusion, to dwell there is delusional. It is Virgo’s task to remain impervious to the Siren’s call, bring through dreams and with discernment transmute them into practical solutions. She provides the bridge that allows the spirit world to become manifest in our lives. While she is providing food for the table, anointing feet and cleaning the house, our Virgin remains the pure receptacle to bring through continuous improvement and the abundance of Pisces.

Have I succeeded in bringing through all the stories and possibilities that came from my overnight access to Pisces’ realm? No. My encounter with dolphins, memories of my brother and my early impressions of christianity remain in the collective consciousness. We tried to express them but they were unwieldy and confusing. Virgo edited them out. We trust that Chiron and the Moon have done all that was required to release them from the body. Not everything needs to be made conscious.  Their existence is complete within the mysterious realm of Pisces.

Image: ‘The Garden of Earthly Delights, exterior’ Hieronymus Bosch, c. 1480-1490

Leo New Moon: Keys to the Asylum

The Sun has been in Leo for a while and now the Moon has joined the Sun to start a new cycle. As I mentioned in my last post my Leo is buried in the 12th House. Today as I sit to write I pause to rush ahead and see when it will re-emerge into my First House. This is my personal New Year where the Sun begins a new spiral around my chart. I discover this won’t happen till next New Moon.

Phew… I am surprised. It feels like I have already been here for so long.  The rest of the chart is dedicated to our experience on Earth and this incarnation. This house takes us outside of time and space into a realm of what is possible beyond the veil. I happily dwell in this infinite space beyond time.

Whilst here I have been immersed in a tarot. My extended conversation with the cards has been providing me with clear insights that I have found valuable to clarify where I am. Recognising how many thoughts I was getting on paper I had the idea of sharing it with you.  It is too voluminous for a post so I am considering making it available as a document I can send to anyone interested. I just need to get my head around mechanics. This may be an outcome of this next cycle.

The New Moon is the time we birth something into our experience. In the last week I have been committing to a regular meditation process where I open myself to the higher realms in a less ad hoc way than previously.  It resonates with the expanded self I wish to integrate with more in my daily life. Whilst exploring this otherworldly terrain I am preoccupied with the much touted Ascension process that many believe the planet is undergoing. If what we think about is what becomes manifest then a 5D world is a shoo-in.

As the Sun travels through Leo, its natural home, I question once again, “Who am I?”…I am woman. I am mother, I am a partner. I am an astrologer, a counsellor, a healer. I am an introvert. I am a loner. I am a writer, a poet. I am a liberationist and also, a libertarian. I am a sensualist, a scholar, a thinker. I am a historian, a scientist, a futurist. I am a child, a star-seed, a light being. I am Pleiadian. I am Demeter. I am mercurial.  I am a Gemini, a Taurus and a Virgo. I am irreverent and irrelevant, a non-believer. I am one small spark in the chaos of infinity. I have many bodies and they each have their own identity. There are so many possible answers that ricochet around providing many ways to play.

The twelfth house is often referred to as the House of our Undoing. My 3D life is being unpicked. I should be scrambling to find solutions to our financial conundrum. This New Moon will see us surrendering. We will put our beloved property on the market. The Sun and the Moon are lining up with my natal Pluto and triggering the sacrifice that Pluto, transiting my 4th House of Home, appears to be demanding. It feels totally unreal. We have no sense of the future or where this action will take us.

I sometimes wonder about the pain of violent death: witches burnt at stake, torture. How can they endure? (Remember the Sun and Moon are lined up with my Pluto, the dark God of the Underworld.) I wonder if they get to escape the bounds of the body and dwell in a pain-free space. Tucked away in the hidden realm of the Twelfth House I feel deliriously happy, maybe delusional. I can do no more but surrender and trust. I feel wonderful. Energy floods my soul, sparks of light crack open my dense carapace. I dream in the arms of angels.

I wonder about who I am and what is happening in this world. Is it true we are really awakening from Plato’s cave and emerging into a new level of existence? When I was studying to be a Flower Essence practitioner, a friend said that she didn’t know whether it was possible for flowers to work in this way.  She went on to say it did not matter. The idea is beautiful and such ideas need to be supported.

That insight opened a space for me that I have called up many times. I wish to live in a world of peace, love and joy. I have chosen to believe that we are all perfect and that we all have magical powers. What we have to offer is what we love. The Twelfth House represents the asylum. That place where we keep hidden those that are living in another reality. I may be insane, but like Julian Assange, I seek asylum, a safe respite from this dense matrix. Julian is a player, messing with the powers that keep us belief bound in a reality that we dislike.

I tend to keep my own rebellion hidden in the Twelfth House. This is after all the House of Martyrs. There is another Leo myth of Phaeton, the human son of Apollo. He pleaded with his father for the keys of the chariot. Apollo used this fine vehicle to carry the Sun across the sky. Phaeton was an inexperienced driver. First, he drove too low and burnt the Earth and then correcting his course drove too high and the ground began to freeze. Zeus,the God of Law saw the havoc this teenage driver was causing and struck him down with a thunderbolt. This is another cautionary tale warning us not to go beyond the well worn tracks of those in charge.

The fear of being insane and making mistakes tends to cause my human self to remain in the accepted stultifying structure. I retreat into introversion because I don’t accept the dominant reality but do not have the courage to defy it. Uranus in Aries is challenging us to try something new. Maybe what is being born in this Lunation Cycle is a time of shedding the confines of the human machine and embracing the chariot of my star-being. There are so many crazy, brave people propounding other possibilities. Next New Moon when I step across my Ascendant into the House of Identity I may be wearing shiny new robes.

Playing for the Future

I feel so bathed in loving energy and my heart is filled with appreciation.This cycle started with the loving Cancer New Moon urging retreat and self-care to balance the over-extended self. How grateful I am for the energies persuading me to rest and stay within.

Soon after this urging the Sun entered Leo and signalled the time to play fully. To lay our cares aside and replenish at the shining light of our Source. My Leo is in the hidden and withdrawn 12th House of the collective spirit. For me there can be no greater play than communing with myself and by so doing finding I have the whole and the many as my playmate. I took time out, to meditate, withdraw and let the cares fall away. I returned to my core to discover what truly matters to me. What do I value? Peace and joy. A beautiful expression of the happiness of the Sun-filled Leo child and the peace of the 12th house where we let go of all striving.

As each external requirement fell away I became clearer about how I wish to live in the world or without. As I breathed in this new freedom, meeting my responsibilities became easier. When there is peace in the heart, life just lifts you through its tumult and you go with the pleasure of the ride. This is preferable to occupying that mental space where, white knuckled, I sit on the very edge of the self, wide-eyed and fearful. Instead I employed that vigilant self to detect where I was receiving energy; to inform my consciousness and to celebrate the deliciousness. Whoosh! Let’s feel the flow.

Now the twelfth house is not necessarily a light place and over this cycle some events have been cause for jelly-like quivering . I have had to square up to some harsh realities. (Uranus and Pluto are still facing off, relentless in their demand for a changing of the guard.) Still my commitment to Leo exultation and the desire to remain at the centre of the universe allowed me to tackle serious threats to the wellbeing of my family with a smile. Happiness is a choice.

This is living in 3D, a co-creative space of continual expansion. How can I handle this complexity? How can we all handle this complexity? There is much in this universe and I am only beginning to learn to play with the pieces. I meet every moment with the fresh eyes of a child! This approach allows timeless space to surround every view. I sense the thrill as I must reach for ingenuity.  There is the realisation that every conundrum is an atom waiting to be split. Its power will be revealed as possibility untold.

The Moon is a couple of days past the Last Quarter and we are still in its evaluating energy. It is time to weigh up where we have been over the last three weeks or more. Recognise what has been achieved and what areas of life are now demanding attention.

I am finding the Leo Sun has been revealing where I really want to play in life. Shining its light into the heart of desire and whispering that maybe, I am the unique one that can bring this vision into being. Truly heartfelt ideas are coming through.

I am in awe of the grandness of my royal vision. My inner child has no doubt that when I grow up I will be Queen. My human self knows that I have to surrender what in my present life does not belong to this brilliance.

The New Moon in Leo is six days away and some of the possibilities that are now only being sensed will be conceived. When the Sun moves on to Virgo in about ten days we will be called to put away childish things and prepare ourself for the awesome changes this new babe will demand from us. Right now there is still time to dance with the magic fairy dust of fertilisation.

 

Image:The Crock of Gold’ by Thamas Mackenzie 1926

Cancer New Moon: Adjusting to the Light

From the album: ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°• By L'incanto d'amore dei poeti estintiI have been stressed the last few days and haven’t been able to occupy my life. Maybe that is another call of the Occupy Movement – to occupy our lives and our world. I feel like we have been ghosts within our own reality; we have not been fully alive to the pleasures of our incarnation. We are uncomfortable in our life, our bodies, our work and our relationships. We are uncomfortable in our skin. This is not why we incarnated. We are not condemned to life.  We are here to pursue our passions, know pleasure and live joyously. We are each uniquely talented, equally valuable.

Yet we do not embrace life because we haven’t felt the safety of our place on earth. We have censored our desires and longings and they have been relegated to whispers. Our true self comes to us from left field using surprise to attract our attention. “I love this.”  “Wouldn’t it be nice…”  “ If only I could do this all the time!”

I long to be fully contained and accepted by myself. Fully incarnated and hearing that quiet, still voice. This is Cancer. I have written my Cancer New Moon post many times. They have been okay but don’t quite gel. I write and write. I have done more writing for this post than any other. The deadline has come and gone and still I haven’t wanted to post. Old prototypes litter my pages, stillborn and rejected. I start again, over and over.

Other work has piled up. I have not responded to many e-mails from clients, friends and family that I like to stay connected with. I have felt hopeless about that. I have become overwhelmed and paralysed. I have had massive mood swings and come to the conclusion that you cannot write Cancer.

I have spent time alone and out in nature and felt euphoric and centred, becoming a wildly empowered love machine. I have felt insane with giggly joy.

Here at the bottom of the world it is winter and the days are short. It is cold and gets dark early. The euphoria of solitude dissipates in the face of things left undone. I miss my deadlines. I become afraid that the stress will make me sick. I am aware of others succumbing to winter colds and flu.

I accept I can only protect myself at this point. I am intent on living, feeling the passion wanting to burst out. I do not want to be taken out of this glorious game. The only thing I can do is take care of my own needs. Keep tending to my own joy. I must allow my empty vessel to fill up again. I let it all go. Let the tears come. Allow myself to let others down while I replenish. Peace. I free myself to be the baby. I am sorry. I am helpless. Leave me alone and I will return.

I remember all the Cancer’s I have known. How often they fret and worry over their amazing works. Others are waiting for them to release their grip on their creations. They know they cannot comply. Both art and artist, mother and baby need to be ready for the onslaught of demands and expectations the world will place on them.

When I was a new mother and I instinctively knew to protect my baby from the hustle and bustle of the external world during her first weeks on Earth. She was too fragile for the harshness of artificial environments; of supermarkets, traffic and fluorescent lights. Crowds were out of bounds. I didn’t want to expose her to emotions gone awry, where the energy of fear and random stress escaped the bounds of weary humans coping with their daily responsibilities.

There is a time that a baby needs to develop a protective sheath whilst she acclimatises to being in a body on Earth. The mother needs to replenish her strength after giving birth and allow her baby to be the only recipient of her love. It is just the same for Cancer.

At this New Moon we are strengthening ourselves for re-entry in the world. We have experienced many cosmic vibrations in the last couple of months. We have had stunning eclipses, Venus’s transit across the face of the Sun, massive Solar flares and Uranus and Pluto becoming exact. We have been bombarded with much light and we are changing.

As we manage this transmutation, our bodies are releasing old density stored over Eons. The Earth is adjusting to a new reality. We are vulnerable whilst we experience the unknown. We need to find a centre, rediscover ourselves and nurture this new state of being. Take this time to remember who you are. The Sun will move into Leo in a couple of days and we will want to shine our light in the world. Meanwhile… wait in Cancer’s protective arms and allow the timing to come naturally.

 

Image: I share this cosy picture from the Facebook album: ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•

Dark Moon in Cancer: Love Is All We Need

I have attempted to write several times since my last post over a week ago. They have been grizzles that I haven’t wanted to inflict on others or have rung empty and hollow. I have wondered whether I can get my flow back again.

I have been very aware of this journey through Cancer and its accompanying outer planet transits. As the Sun travels through each sign of the zodiac, I feel the qualities of  each archetype come alive in my own experience.  In Gemini my light was out there and I made connections with so many wonderful people: readers, fellow bloggers, friends, clients, family, peers, authorities, radicals, light workers. So many  fellow travellers. Towards the end of my Gemini play I began to feel overwhelmed and it was time to re-enter the safety of my shell. I could feel my own yearnings and the desires of others. I began to feel swamped by fears and pain. I felt over-sensitive. It began to be difficult to face others. I needed a cover to shelter from all the emotions. I could feel all their pain and their need for nurture. How can I nurture? I am not enough. My own feelings of lack built a wall around me. Sensitive to the pain of my neighbours I was shell shocked, stunned and unable to move forward.

Fear of lack is all pervasive. There is never enough: money, food, love, care, understanding, light, warmth, comfort, safety. How can we survive? How can we be sustainable? How can I contribute when when my family are struggling with the same concerns. There is so little coming in and each purchase needs to be measured and prioritised.

I kept singing to myself one of my favourite childhood songs, ‘Wouldn’t it be Loverly?’

“All I want is a room somewhere,

Far away from the cold night air,

With one enormous chair

Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?”

So what to do with my shell shock? Protect, retire, become shell locked. Do I withdraw all available energy to try to protect my own sensibility? This means being unavailable for all those that I love. I become crabby, distant and sullen for a time while space and regeneration happens and energy from the core becomes available once again. To have enough energy beyond fatigue to give to those I love. How can one expand the shell to include my family? I love my family and my friends and I am failing them by walling off my love. I know the sensitive Cancer heart that feels and wishes to give safety and succour to all. How do I expand my shell to protect all life on Earth? How does one remain as love in the face of the fear and hopeless despair?

When I get back in touch with my self after being sheltered from external demands I know what I have withdrawn is my loving heart. This heart wants release and to express it’s everlasting shining joy and hope. Why do I wait for the cavalry to come when I know my power is within? What am I protecting?…my love!  Am I afraid to love? To express love is to be vulnerable. What dark tale of fear is this? My power lies in my love and yet I lock it away afeared that it will be rejected. I have come in with the awesome open heart of a child yet I fear that expressing, caring and just being in love will attract so much hurt.  Shame, guilt, anger, resentment, suffering and so many poisons that it is better to lock it away in a box.

There is the cautionary tale of Pandora who with Gemini curiosity opened the box and let out all the evils of the world. Is this why we return to our shell in Cancer? Maybe the truth is that she was not a bad child but another courageous heroine. She turned the lock and allowed all those evils to be released. Pandora was left with hope and that is all we need. I emerge vulnerable from my shell.

Today I feel released from my self imposed prison. I have no answers. I do not know how we will be delivered from our fears. I am afraid of rejection. I am afraid that the tribe will throw me out for my weakness and my tears.  I do not know how to protect my loved ones but keeping myself separate from them will not help.

I am sure that we are all powerful beyond our comprehension. The little self that we protect is a lie. We lock away our greatness in the cage of fear. Today I trust the wisdom of the ages, love is enough! Cancer and the Moon that rules her represents the masses. What if each gloriously vulnerable human self could open up and stand in the love that they feel so much. How amazing would our species be?  If each and everyone of us let the light of love shine through the crystalline containers of our tears; the Earth washed and refreshed, would light up and the dark shadows would find no place to hide.

 

Music: Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?

Image: I am not sure who photographed this iridescent crab but it can be found on this site, with lots of other wonderful photos.

Searching for Serenity

I have been feeling the compulsive pull of the Sun in Cancer creating a tight T-square with Uranus and Pluto. The thick tight aspect lines across the chart have reminded me of the childhood game, Cat’s Cradle. I used to love playing this, making patterns with a closed circle of string around my hands.

With this configuration exact over the last week, I have felt myself strung out across its tight web, feeling demands from every quarter threatening me with overwhelm.  I have tried to ignore the impossibility of meeting the competing commitments before me. I stoically tackled whatever tasks were most urgent, losing myself in concentration, giving the best I could. I would feel satisfaction with my service but there is always a hole left in the middle of the patterns made in the woven Cradle. I offered up my work and it would fall into the greedy void and never seemed to be able to satisfy the hungry hordes around me. They too were feeling the push/pull of never having enough to handle the ‘too much’.

At the end of the day I would sit sullen and space deprived, glued to theories running around the internet explaining these tumultuous times. I needed space and succour but instead stayed paralysed in front of the Uranus/Pluto headlights, recognising this compulsive behaviour was grasping nurture in all the wrong places and would not satisfy my emotional longing.

The site I was mesmerised by was a huge eclectic collection of news items, channellings and outrageous theories of what is happening around us. A sort of X-files for this period of time. It was a blinding source of both light and dark. One woman was providing this Herculean service with many posts each day. I found I would check in often, hoping to find some relief or a breakthrough that would sweep away the problems in my reality. I knew my obsession was becoming unhealthy and I was wondering how I could coax myself away.

Cancer is our emotional home where we go for self-care. Here we can safely withdraw into our nest and have our needs met, like when we were a dependent baby. As adults we have been pushed out of the maternal nest and have taken on the responsibility to support new generations. This is our instinctive call to propagate the race. Even if we don’t have children, we are called to support those that need help so we can all survive. Somehow in this passing of the baton, we forget the essentials of how to look after ourselves.

I could hear that inner call. “You need to care for yourself. Let go of the needs of others. From a depleted vessel you can only give water poisoned by resentment.”

What do I need? How do I care for me?…blank…I had forgotten! At the last New Moon I knew I needed to withdraw from forays out into the world and concentrate on building stronger foundations. It seems I was already too over-extended. The home had become neglected, the body was tired.

The life I have been creating has been a joy for me. It had brought alive my inner child and my inner goddess. Now it has become a Sisyphean task. Sisyphus was condemned to carry a boulder up a mountain forever; it rolled down when he reached the top and he started his trial again. What was a fun expression of my Sun had now flipped into the daunting responsibility of Saturn.

It seems that with this cycle through Cancer I was experiencing the devouring mother, not the mother one longs for when we are sick; the mother who cares. This is to be expected with the first exact square between Pluto and Uranus. Pluto is after all travelling through my 4th house of home and hearth. I really need to find new ways to regenerate myself. Our mortal self is our container for life on Earth and it requires our love and care.We need to access the deep inner strength to claim this nourishment. Then we can fulfil our responsibilities supported by powerfully deep foundations.

The Sun in Cancer opposite Pluto triggered me to ask the question; ‘What do I need to look after myself?’ I didn’t have an answer in that moment. Fortunately, we are never abandoned and the messages are all around. The amazing Goddess Mother of the site I was addicted to provided the ultimate service. She closed down her site. She needed to nurse herself and that required time out. Many like myself were cut off from her generous source of information. The spell was broken. I could no longer spend what space I had obsessively trawling this site for news.

What do I need to care for myself? What do I require from a nurturing mother? … That’s right … I remember … I want to be loved! I want to feel love. To re-connect to the ultimate mother,  Gaia. I fill myself with love and once again, can see so much to love around me. Love pours out of my heart. Peace descends into my aching body. Everything around me is radiantly beautiful.

Serenity!

 

Image: The Torment of Saint Anthony by Michelangelo

Website: 2012: What is the ‘real’ truth?  Thank you for all your work, Jean. Get well soon.