Cancer New Moon: Adjusting to the Light

From the album: ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°• By L'incanto d'amore dei poeti estintiI have been stressed the last few days and haven’t been able to occupy my life. Maybe that is another call of the Occupy Movement – to occupy our lives and our world. I feel like we have been ghosts within our own reality; we have not been fully alive to the pleasures of our incarnation. We are uncomfortable in our life, our bodies, our work and our relationships. We are uncomfortable in our skin. This is not why we incarnated. We are not condemned to life.  We are here to pursue our passions, know pleasure and live joyously. We are each uniquely talented, equally valuable.

Yet we do not embrace life because we haven’t felt the safety of our place on earth. We have censored our desires and longings and they have been relegated to whispers. Our true self comes to us from left field using surprise to attract our attention. “I love this.”  “Wouldn’t it be nice…”  “ If only I could do this all the time!”

I long to be fully contained and accepted by myself. Fully incarnated and hearing that quiet, still voice. This is Cancer. I have written my Cancer New Moon post many times. They have been okay but don’t quite gel. I write and write. I have done more writing for this post than any other. The deadline has come and gone and still I haven’t wanted to post. Old prototypes litter my pages, stillborn and rejected. I start again, over and over.

Other work has piled up. I have not responded to many e-mails from clients, friends and family that I like to stay connected with. I have felt hopeless about that. I have become overwhelmed and paralysed. I have had massive mood swings and come to the conclusion that you cannot write Cancer.

I have spent time alone and out in nature and felt euphoric and centred, becoming a wildly empowered love machine. I have felt insane with giggly joy.

Here at the bottom of the world it is winter and the days are short. It is cold and gets dark early. The euphoria of solitude dissipates in the face of things left undone. I miss my deadlines. I become afraid that the stress will make me sick. I am aware of others succumbing to winter colds and flu.

I accept I can only protect myself at this point. I am intent on living, feeling the passion wanting to burst out. I do not want to be taken out of this glorious game. The only thing I can do is take care of my own needs. Keep tending to my own joy. I must allow my empty vessel to fill up again. I let it all go. Let the tears come. Allow myself to let others down while I replenish. Peace. I free myself to be the baby. I am sorry. I am helpless. Leave me alone and I will return.

I remember all the Cancer’s I have known. How often they fret and worry over their amazing works. Others are waiting for them to release their grip on their creations. They know they cannot comply. Both art and artist, mother and baby need to be ready for the onslaught of demands and expectations the world will place on them.

When I was a new mother and I instinctively knew to protect my baby from the hustle and bustle of the external world during her first weeks on Earth. She was too fragile for the harshness of artificial environments; of supermarkets, traffic and fluorescent lights. Crowds were out of bounds. I didn’t want to expose her to emotions gone awry, where the energy of fear and random stress escaped the bounds of weary humans coping with their daily responsibilities.

There is a time that a baby needs to develop a protective sheath whilst she acclimatises to being in a body on Earth. The mother needs to replenish her strength after giving birth and allow her baby to be the only recipient of her love. It is just the same for Cancer.

At this New Moon we are strengthening ourselves for re-entry in the world. We have experienced many cosmic vibrations in the last couple of months. We have had stunning eclipses, Venus’s transit across the face of the Sun, massive Solar flares and Uranus and Pluto becoming exact. We have been bombarded with much light and we are changing.

As we manage this transmutation, our bodies are releasing old density stored over Eons. The Earth is adjusting to a new reality. We are vulnerable whilst we experience the unknown. We need to find a centre, rediscover ourselves and nurture this new state of being. Take this time to remember who you are. The Sun will move into Leo in a couple of days and we will want to shine our light in the world. Meanwhile… wait in Cancer’s protective arms and allow the timing to come naturally.

 

Image: I share this cosy picture from the Facebook album: ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•

The Gemini Eclipse – Ascension Anyone?!!

I am a Gemini. Does anyone else smart at the qualities that people throw at you when they discover your sun sign? I feel offended when I am accused of being fickle and two faced. I have Sun, Venus and Ceres in Gemini with Saturn, the planet of authority, responsibility and limitation, opposing them from the third house. It seems I have taken on Saturn’s approbation and disapproval of my Mercurial nature. My Virgo Ascendant and Taurus Moon weigh in to ground some of that Gemini whimsy. It may feel more comfortable but not always so merry. I have been horrified to be thought of as a party girl, social butterfly or light weight…no way! I am one of those that will get defensive for other notorious Gemini’s like Marilyn Monroe. ‘She is a great comedienne! You need intelligence to pull such timing and wit!’

I remember when I was first with my partner, I started playing the fool, pulling faces and generally mucking around. I was shocked and amazed at my levity and very delighted. I think at that point I knew I had found a safe haven with someone I could frolic with irreverently.

Still, no matter how often I indulged in childlike behaviour, I always felt it would not be condoned by the ‘real world.’ My core qualities were those I could not openly value causing a rift between my private and public self. Gemini is after all a sign of duality. Therein lies a feeling of alienation from my neighbours, of not belonging, because of my naturally errant ways.

My Gemini Sun has therefore, always felt eclipsed, which brings me to the subject of this post- the Solar Eclipse in Gemini. We have a day more in the Taurus energy before quite suddenly the New Moon and the Eclipse coincides at zero degrees Gemini. Anyone who has been reading my posts over the last Sun/Moon cycle through Taurus would have witnessed and likely felt for themselves, my ‘sinking into the earth’ sensation, slowing down almost to a standstill. Over the last few days my sleep has been very heavy and when I wake I have experienced my consciousness as almost physical, taking effort to pull my awareness up through my body where it had been captured by slothful slumber. Everything has been very sensate. Now the Sun will move into the bright light of Gemini and the Moon will shift from its dark slumber and will embrace the golden orb so enthusiastically, that for a time it will blot out the Sun’s bright light allowing the dross to be burnt off in a ring of fire.

Mercury, the God of the mind, is the only planet that can dart around and go safely to places where the other gods cannot. He can enter the underworld and negotiate for the release of those held there. He is capable of tricks that allow him to conceal his whereabouts by appearing to turn backwards. My Gemini self is much amused as her ruling planet displays these antics during this eclipse. Mercury’s trickster qualities come in when the path of the full eclipse can be viewed over Southwest China and Japan on the 21st of May. It then travels over the Pacific crossing the International Dateline so it arrives in the USA on the day before on 20th May. (Much mirth at mercurial magic :D) It enters the USA at the California/Oregon border and travels in full fire through to Texas. And so the Messenger God does double duty going back in time to rescue us from whatever paralysing dilemma we have been experiencing in the underworld during the Dark Moon in Taurus.

As I matured I began to really appreciate the value of my Sun sign. What I was judging as lightweight and bubble-headed, I now perceive as de-light-ful. What I perceived as feather-brained I, now see as nonjudgemental, more like the feather that is used to measure the purity of the heart in the Egyptian Book of the Dead. I appreciate and engage curiously with whatever I encounter, allowing it to be the perfection that it is, no matter how contradictory. I am curious to know, and without preconceptions allow the paradox to lead me into further discovery. I have learnt to value my lightness and know that it is a gift I have to share with others. At my best I become the light-bearer bringing good vibes and the tinkle of joy wherever my essence may shine.

This Gemini Eclipse promises to bring light to our underworld wanderings, illuminating the path of ascension to our rightful place amongst the stars.

Image: FredericLeighton-The Return of Persephone (1891) Here we see Mercury/Hermes returning Persephone to her mother, Demeter on the surface after her abduction into the underworld. A perfect echo of this eclipse.