Today it was difficult to pull myself out of my slumber. I have been dreaming of friends from long ago and mixing them up with new friends barely arrived and imperceptibly claiming a place in my heart. It was delicious having all those bonds activated again. So many people made an appearance and the tone was of mutual respect, love, lots of laughter and a fair amount of celebration. No wonder I didn’t want to pull myself awake. These are Cancer Full Moon dreams, full of memories of my tribe. I am the White Wolf mama collecting together her clan, touching base, recognising heart connections – past, present and future.
It has been an amazing year for extending my clan. I feel so at home in my world now, wherever I am. I have had so many lovely people come into my life. Friendships that have sprung up outside of time and place through the marvels of this virtual medium. Flesh and blood relationships that create a sense of belonging in my community that I hadn’t felt in the decade before. I feel accepted by the young and the well lived, all ages and persuasions. This feels so good.
Once I felt like I only had enough love for a few people and reluctantly had to be selective about who I gave my affections to. I was terrified of not being able to fulfil another’s expectations. My biggest fear was to over-promise and under-deliver. Something has shifted now. Love is not a transaction where one has to give until the other is full up. It is something that flows through and out infinitely, leaving me feeling wonderful. There is enough for everyone to enjoy. We are all clear channels of love and that is what binds us. We prime the pump by learning to appreciate ourself and then a geyser of abundance bursts forth, for all to share.
This Moon cycle began in Sagittarius taking us on a wild and slippery road through the birthing portal of 12-12-12. It was here my stoical step by step, moment by moment journey finally let go and I have since been slipping and sliding on a wild and joyous ride. Sagittarius is about encountering foreign environments and counter-intuitively, for me, is situated in my third house of familiar environments. Since releasing my grip on the side of the pool I have encountered the unknown in my own neighbourhood: the Sweat Lodge, the Emergency Room, luxurious Gold Class at the cinema, even the Pine Grove on our property became a launching pad for otherworldly experience. As Sagittarius has taken me on a mind expanding ride showing me what is possible, the Sun moving into Capricorn has ensured I have remained securely connected to Mother Earth. I may be free as a child in the unlimited moment but Capricorn has shown me that one can still meet one’s responsibilities without holding grimly to the edge.
It appeared like Christmas would be cancelled for lack of finances and yet all came together to create the most relaxed and joyous celebrations ever. One of the highlights being opening some strange shaped presents from my daughter. There were hoots of laughter when we unwrapped two exquisite turnips, a cache of iridescent snow peas, two rudely healthy zucchini and a bouquet of broccoli she had acquired from a friend’s garden. True gifts from the heart of the earth combined with a cheeky imagination.
In my life I have always been competent and planned for every contingency. I have recognised that in being so adult I have often missed out on the wild-eyed miracles that the child experiences when some other magic steps in and takes care. This release has allowed me to trust that somehow everything will not only be okay, but will be exhilarating.
And what happens when the constant second-guessing to ensure everyone is okay is released? I am freed from the weariness of vigilance to be present to all the wondrous people I encounter. Cancer Moon allows me to feel and to visit everyone in my dreams and in my life. Gossamer threads keep us gently connected, always. Now I get time and play.