I have been stressed the last few days and haven’t been able to occupy my life. Maybe that is another call of the Occupy Movement – to occupy our lives and our world. I feel like we have been ghosts within our own reality; we have not been fully alive to the pleasures of our incarnation. We are uncomfortable in our life, our bodies, our work and our relationships. We are uncomfortable in our skin. This is not why we incarnated. We are not condemned to life. We are here to pursue our passions, know pleasure and live joyously. We are each uniquely talented, equally valuable.
Yet we do not embrace life because we haven’t felt the safety of our place on earth. We have censored our desires and longings and they have been relegated to whispers. Our true self comes to us from left field using surprise to attract our attention. “I love this.” “Wouldn’t it be nice…” “ If only I could do this all the time!”
I long to be fully contained and accepted by myself. Fully incarnated and hearing that quiet, still voice. This is Cancer. I have written my Cancer New Moon post many times. They have been okay but don’t quite gel. I write and write. I have done more writing for this post than any other. The deadline has come and gone and still I haven’t wanted to post. Old prototypes litter my pages, stillborn and rejected. I start again, over and over.
Other work has piled up. I have not responded to many e-mails from clients, friends and family that I like to stay connected with. I have felt hopeless about that. I have become overwhelmed and paralysed. I have had massive mood swings and come to the conclusion that you cannot write Cancer.
I have spent time alone and out in nature and felt euphoric and centred, becoming a wildly empowered love machine. I have felt insane with giggly joy.
Here at the bottom of the world it is winter and the days are short. It is cold and gets dark early. The euphoria of solitude dissipates in the face of things left undone. I miss my deadlines. I become afraid that the stress will make me sick. I am aware of others succumbing to winter colds and flu.
I accept I can only protect myself at this point. I am intent on living, feeling the passion wanting to burst out. I do not want to be taken out of this glorious game. The only thing I can do is take care of my own needs. Keep tending to my own joy. I must allow my empty vessel to fill up again. I let it all go. Let the tears come. Allow myself to let others down while I replenish. Peace. I free myself to be the baby. I am sorry. I am helpless. Leave me alone and I will return.
I remember all the Cancer’s I have known. How often they fret and worry over their amazing works. Others are waiting for them to release their grip on their creations. They know they cannot comply. Both art and artist, mother and baby need to be ready for the onslaught of demands and expectations the world will place on them.
When I was a new mother and I instinctively knew to protect my baby from the hustle and bustle of the external world during her first weeks on Earth. She was too fragile for the harshness of artificial environments; of supermarkets, traffic and fluorescent lights. Crowds were out of bounds. I didn’t want to expose her to emotions gone awry, where the energy of fear and random stress escaped the bounds of weary humans coping with their daily responsibilities.
There is a time that a baby needs to develop a protective sheath whilst she acclimatises to being in a body on Earth. The mother needs to replenish her strength after giving birth and allow her baby to be the only recipient of her love. It is just the same for Cancer.
At this New Moon we are strengthening ourselves for re-entry in the world. We have experienced many cosmic vibrations in the last couple of months. We have had stunning eclipses, Venus’s transit across the face of the Sun, massive Solar flares and Uranus and Pluto becoming exact. We have been bombarded with much light and we are changing.
As we manage this transmutation, our bodies are releasing old density stored over Eons. The Earth is adjusting to a new reality. We are vulnerable whilst we experience the unknown. We need to find a centre, rediscover ourselves and nurture this new state of being. Take this time to remember who you are. The Sun will move into Leo in a couple of days and we will want to shine our light in the world. Meanwhile… wait in Cancer’s protective arms and allow the timing to come naturally.
Image: I share this cosy picture from the Facebook album: ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•