Sun into Leo: Claiming our Birthright

Today the Sun moves out of sensitive Cancer and into playful Leo.

I have taken my own advice from my Cancer in New Moon post and have let go of the stress of responding to any of my ‘should’s and must do’s.’ I have walked in nature, had naps when required, sat with nothing pending and been with my family. I have spent time alone, remembering who I am and what I want from life.

I feel such humbling gratitude for all the caring comments and best wishes that I have received from others including all my friends out there in the blogosphere. I realise that one of the gifts of Cancer is the humility one feels when you can no longer stoically go on alone and have to humbly receive care and tolerance for your dependent state. I have had a history of lousy periods that would blight my grand ventures out in the world and leave me retired to bed,  a foetal mess. At these times I noticed I would become very maudlin feeling huge waves of love and gratitude for my loved ones. Whoosh! The reward for this abject state was an opening of my delicate heart causing it to be robust and full.  What a glorious gift I receive when I finally let go and just allow myself to be loved for the imperfect being that I am.

As the Sun continues on its journey around the zodiac we are reminded once again the glorious magic of its eternal cycle. In Cancer we feel and become so sensitive that we are unsure how we can possibly survive. In our vulnerability we understand love, gratitude and who our family is. We learn there are always others that accept us in our imperfection. Sometimes there is nothing for us to offer in return but an open heart. Naked and deeply flawed we return to who we truly are, beyond all effort to try and earn our keep. We discover our birthright. We are now Leo, radiant and sovereign, free to be ourself, newborn and ready to shine our undiminished light into the world.

…Yippee! Let’s play.

 

Image: This exquisite photograph appeared in Gail Cunningworth Dell’s photos on Facebook. Gail posted it with this quote-

“Part of this experience involves your being able to say to a person who is dying, “You are loved. You are beautiful. You are like a newborn babe, going into another realm. Release now anyone, and everything, that is a burden to you. Release everything and know that you have lived your life to the fullest. There is no judgment on you. Go in peace, put a smile on your face, and release any judgments you hold. Relax, and allow your life to have meaning as you embark on the next phase of your identity.”

― Barbara Marciniak, Earth: Pleiadian Keys to the Living Library

Cancer New Moon: Adjusting to the Light

From the album: ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°• By L'incanto d'amore dei poeti estintiI have been stressed the last few days and haven’t been able to occupy my life. Maybe that is another call of the Occupy Movement – to occupy our lives and our world. I feel like we have been ghosts within our own reality; we have not been fully alive to the pleasures of our incarnation. We are uncomfortable in our life, our bodies, our work and our relationships. We are uncomfortable in our skin. This is not why we incarnated. We are not condemned to life.  We are here to pursue our passions, know pleasure and live joyously. We are each uniquely talented, equally valuable.

Yet we do not embrace life because we haven’t felt the safety of our place on earth. We have censored our desires and longings and they have been relegated to whispers. Our true self comes to us from left field using surprise to attract our attention. “I love this.”  “Wouldn’t it be nice…”  “ If only I could do this all the time!”

I long to be fully contained and accepted by myself. Fully incarnated and hearing that quiet, still voice. This is Cancer. I have written my Cancer New Moon post many times. They have been okay but don’t quite gel. I write and write. I have done more writing for this post than any other. The deadline has come and gone and still I haven’t wanted to post. Old prototypes litter my pages, stillborn and rejected. I start again, over and over.

Other work has piled up. I have not responded to many e-mails from clients, friends and family that I like to stay connected with. I have felt hopeless about that. I have become overwhelmed and paralysed. I have had massive mood swings and come to the conclusion that you cannot write Cancer.

I have spent time alone and out in nature and felt euphoric and centred, becoming a wildly empowered love machine. I have felt insane with giggly joy.

Here at the bottom of the world it is winter and the days are short. It is cold and gets dark early. The euphoria of solitude dissipates in the face of things left undone. I miss my deadlines. I become afraid that the stress will make me sick. I am aware of others succumbing to winter colds and flu.

I accept I can only protect myself at this point. I am intent on living, feeling the passion wanting to burst out. I do not want to be taken out of this glorious game. The only thing I can do is take care of my own needs. Keep tending to my own joy. I must allow my empty vessel to fill up again. I let it all go. Let the tears come. Allow myself to let others down while I replenish. Peace. I free myself to be the baby. I am sorry. I am helpless. Leave me alone and I will return.

I remember all the Cancer’s I have known. How often they fret and worry over their amazing works. Others are waiting for them to release their grip on their creations. They know they cannot comply. Both art and artist, mother and baby need to be ready for the onslaught of demands and expectations the world will place on them.

When I was a new mother and I instinctively knew to protect my baby from the hustle and bustle of the external world during her first weeks on Earth. She was too fragile for the harshness of artificial environments; of supermarkets, traffic and fluorescent lights. Crowds were out of bounds. I didn’t want to expose her to emotions gone awry, where the energy of fear and random stress escaped the bounds of weary humans coping with their daily responsibilities.

There is a time that a baby needs to develop a protective sheath whilst she acclimatises to being in a body on Earth. The mother needs to replenish her strength after giving birth and allow her baby to be the only recipient of her love. It is just the same for Cancer.

At this New Moon we are strengthening ourselves for re-entry in the world. We have experienced many cosmic vibrations in the last couple of months. We have had stunning eclipses, Venus’s transit across the face of the Sun, massive Solar flares and Uranus and Pluto becoming exact. We have been bombarded with much light and we are changing.

As we manage this transmutation, our bodies are releasing old density stored over Eons. The Earth is adjusting to a new reality. We are vulnerable whilst we experience the unknown. We need to find a centre, rediscover ourselves and nurture this new state of being. Take this time to remember who you are. The Sun will move into Leo in a couple of days and we will want to shine our light in the world. Meanwhile… wait in Cancer’s protective arms and allow the timing to come naturally.

 

Image: I share this cosy picture from the Facebook album: ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•

Dark Moon in Cancer: Love Is All We Need

I have attempted to write several times since my last post over a week ago. They have been grizzles that I haven’t wanted to inflict on others or have rung empty and hollow. I have wondered whether I can get my flow back again.

I have been very aware of this journey through Cancer and its accompanying outer planet transits. As the Sun travels through each sign of the zodiac, I feel the qualities of  each archetype come alive in my own experience.  In Gemini my light was out there and I made connections with so many wonderful people: readers, fellow bloggers, friends, clients, family, peers, authorities, radicals, light workers. So many  fellow travellers. Towards the end of my Gemini play I began to feel overwhelmed and it was time to re-enter the safety of my shell. I could feel my own yearnings and the desires of others. I began to feel swamped by fears and pain. I felt over-sensitive. It began to be difficult to face others. I needed a cover to shelter from all the emotions. I could feel all their pain and their need for nurture. How can I nurture? I am not enough. My own feelings of lack built a wall around me. Sensitive to the pain of my neighbours I was shell shocked, stunned and unable to move forward.

Fear of lack is all pervasive. There is never enough: money, food, love, care, understanding, light, warmth, comfort, safety. How can we survive? How can we be sustainable? How can I contribute when when my family are struggling with the same concerns. There is so little coming in and each purchase needs to be measured and prioritised.

I kept singing to myself one of my favourite childhood songs, ‘Wouldn’t it be Loverly?’

“All I want is a room somewhere,

Far away from the cold night air,

With one enormous chair

Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?”

So what to do with my shell shock? Protect, retire, become shell locked. Do I withdraw all available energy to try to protect my own sensibility? This means being unavailable for all those that I love. I become crabby, distant and sullen for a time while space and regeneration happens and energy from the core becomes available once again. To have enough energy beyond fatigue to give to those I love. How can one expand the shell to include my family? I love my family and my friends and I am failing them by walling off my love. I know the sensitive Cancer heart that feels and wishes to give safety and succour to all. How do I expand my shell to protect all life on Earth? How does one remain as love in the face of the fear and hopeless despair?

When I get back in touch with my self after being sheltered from external demands I know what I have withdrawn is my loving heart. This heart wants release and to express it’s everlasting shining joy and hope. Why do I wait for the cavalry to come when I know my power is within? What am I protecting?…my love!  Am I afraid to love? To express love is to be vulnerable. What dark tale of fear is this? My power lies in my love and yet I lock it away afeared that it will be rejected. I have come in with the awesome open heart of a child yet I fear that expressing, caring and just being in love will attract so much hurt.  Shame, guilt, anger, resentment, suffering and so many poisons that it is better to lock it away in a box.

There is the cautionary tale of Pandora who with Gemini curiosity opened the box and let out all the evils of the world. Is this why we return to our shell in Cancer? Maybe the truth is that she was not a bad child but another courageous heroine. She turned the lock and allowed all those evils to be released. Pandora was left with hope and that is all we need. I emerge vulnerable from my shell.

Today I feel released from my self imposed prison. I have no answers. I do not know how we will be delivered from our fears. I am afraid of rejection. I am afraid that the tribe will throw me out for my weakness and my tears.  I do not know how to protect my loved ones but keeping myself separate from them will not help.

I am sure that we are all powerful beyond our comprehension. The little self that we protect is a lie. We lock away our greatness in the cage of fear. Today I trust the wisdom of the ages, love is enough! Cancer and the Moon that rules her represents the masses. What if each gloriously vulnerable human self could open up and stand in the love that they feel so much. How amazing would our species be?  If each and everyone of us let the light of love shine through the crystalline containers of our tears; the Earth washed and refreshed, would light up and the dark shadows would find no place to hide.

 

Music: Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?

Image: I am not sure who photographed this iridescent crab but it can be found on this site, with lots of other wonderful photos.

Searching for Serenity

I have been feeling the compulsive pull of the Sun in Cancer creating a tight T-square with Uranus and Pluto. The thick tight aspect lines across the chart have reminded me of the childhood game, Cat’s Cradle. I used to love playing this, making patterns with a closed circle of string around my hands.

With this configuration exact over the last week, I have felt myself strung out across its tight web, feeling demands from every quarter threatening me with overwhelm.  I have tried to ignore the impossibility of meeting the competing commitments before me. I stoically tackled whatever tasks were most urgent, losing myself in concentration, giving the best I could. I would feel satisfaction with my service but there is always a hole left in the middle of the patterns made in the woven Cradle. I offered up my work and it would fall into the greedy void and never seemed to be able to satisfy the hungry hordes around me. They too were feeling the push/pull of never having enough to handle the ‘too much’.

At the end of the day I would sit sullen and space deprived, glued to theories running around the internet explaining these tumultuous times. I needed space and succour but instead stayed paralysed in front of the Uranus/Pluto headlights, recognising this compulsive behaviour was grasping nurture in all the wrong places and would not satisfy my emotional longing.

The site I was mesmerised by was a huge eclectic collection of news items, channellings and outrageous theories of what is happening around us. A sort of X-files for this period of time. It was a blinding source of both light and dark. One woman was providing this Herculean service with many posts each day. I found I would check in often, hoping to find some relief or a breakthrough that would sweep away the problems in my reality. I knew my obsession was becoming unhealthy and I was wondering how I could coax myself away.

Cancer is our emotional home where we go for self-care. Here we can safely withdraw into our nest and have our needs met, like when we were a dependent baby. As adults we have been pushed out of the maternal nest and have taken on the responsibility to support new generations. This is our instinctive call to propagate the race. Even if we don’t have children, we are called to support those that need help so we can all survive. Somehow in this passing of the baton, we forget the essentials of how to look after ourselves.

I could hear that inner call. “You need to care for yourself. Let go of the needs of others. From a depleted vessel you can only give water poisoned by resentment.”

What do I need? How do I care for me?…blank…I had forgotten! At the last New Moon I knew I needed to withdraw from forays out into the world and concentrate on building stronger foundations. It seems I was already too over-extended. The home had become neglected, the body was tired.

The life I have been creating has been a joy for me. It had brought alive my inner child and my inner goddess. Now it has become a Sisyphean task. Sisyphus was condemned to carry a boulder up a mountain forever; it rolled down when he reached the top and he started his trial again. What was a fun expression of my Sun had now flipped into the daunting responsibility of Saturn.

It seems that with this cycle through Cancer I was experiencing the devouring mother, not the mother one longs for when we are sick; the mother who cares. This is to be expected with the first exact square between Pluto and Uranus. Pluto is after all travelling through my 4th house of home and hearth. I really need to find new ways to regenerate myself. Our mortal self is our container for life on Earth and it requires our love and care.We need to access the deep inner strength to claim this nourishment. Then we can fulfil our responsibilities supported by powerfully deep foundations.

The Sun in Cancer opposite Pluto triggered me to ask the question; ‘What do I need to look after myself?’ I didn’t have an answer in that moment. Fortunately, we are never abandoned and the messages are all around. The amazing Goddess Mother of the site I was addicted to provided the ultimate service. She closed down her site. She needed to nurse herself and that required time out. Many like myself were cut off from her generous source of information. The spell was broken. I could no longer spend what space I had obsessively trawling this site for news.

What do I need to care for myself? What do I require from a nurturing mother? … That’s right … I remember … I want to be loved! I want to feel love. To re-connect to the ultimate mother,  Gaia. I fill myself with love and once again, can see so much to love around me. Love pours out of my heart. Peace descends into my aching body. Everything around me is radiantly beautiful.

Serenity!

 

Image: The Torment of Saint Anthony by Michelangelo

Website: 2012: What is the ‘real’ truth?  Thank you for all your work, Jean. Get well soon.