Yesterday I fell into one of those depressive funks. I have had the urge to take action to do something like write this post but instead have chosen to just have it go around in my head. A bit like trying to find the end of the sticky tape that has become invisible on the roll. I have felt wonderful of late, my energy being uplifted and feeling complete in my self in a way I have rarely felt. It has been delicious. I have been purring contentedly like the proverbial cat with cream. Now I am in a dark tank of stagnant water with no sense of where the sides are. There is hope though. I know that in getting this post out I will have restored order and returned to a sense of personal competency.
Today we are at the Last Quarter Moon on our Aries journey. Here we reach the review point. Time to see what was born at the New Moon and came to fruition at the Full moon a week ago. What has been achieved and what will be saved for future cycles?
On this day a bigger cycle is reaching a turning point as well. Mars, the planet of action, energy and personal desire is finally turning direct after a prolonged period of being retrograde. This is a period where Mars seems to go backward in the sky, an illusion caused by our vantage point from Earth rather than the true centre of the solar system, the Sun. As it slows in its apparent backward movement and turns forward it appears stationary in the sky. I seem to reflect this so well, feeling unable to move yet feeling the energy build up inside till I feel I will implode. My description is inappropriately intense possibly because as Mars becomes direct, Pluto, the Lord of the Underground, has turned retrograde and so there is a bit of an undertow happening beneath the feet.
This is a time for review and we have plenty of dates to deal with. You may reflect on the Moon Cycle of the last three weeks as well as the Mars cycle. It turned retrograde at 23 degrees Virgo on January 24 and went back over ground that we had been covering since the November16, 2011. If you like to understand where you are in cycles you may wish to go back to how you felt at this time because it was the beginning of Mars’ run on this circular track. Many of you may have been conscious of the 11/11/11 date last year when many people tuned in to the global energy. In reflecting on your personal journey, see what was happening then and what links there are to now. Mars was at 3 degrees Virgo, then and now.
At that time I had many things going full speed ahead and taking me more and more out into the world. I had recently taken mundane work in a local cafe to make ends meet. I was relieved to be giving myself more time to become financially secure in what I truly loved doing. My ambition was to do what I love with the expectation that the money will follow. Virgo is a time when we are doing the hard yakka to develop our skills and often having to do what we can to survive as we have yet to feel competent in our true calling.
A friend and I who had been working closely together were planning a series of workshops to start during this time. I was finding myself increasingly scattered and frustrated in this partnership. I felt we were not communicating well and I was unable to articulate my viewpoint. I sensed I was not being heard. I became passive aggressive, often lashing out offensively in order to assert my viewpoint. My poor friend was feeling bewildered and hurt. It felt like we were forcing something to birth that was not yet ready. My friend is very extroverted and seemed baffled by my introversion. I tried to explain our different styles of operating and thinking but she perceived it as being over controlled and felt she just needed to jolly me out of resistance.
At the same time I had joined a wonderful on-line community where I was posting my writing for the first time. The other members were very supportive of my introverted self and I was expressing it fully for the first time. I felt seen and I was ecstatic. My friend intended to read my posts but her life had no space or time for this activity. Our workshops were scheduled and I felt out of alignment. We were arguing about content as Mars was going over this degree. I returned home to be at the side of my dying pet sheep. The next day my car aqua-planned into a bank, the first car accident I have ever had in several decades of driving. That night I had a very intense dream starring my friend. We then decided to cancel the workshops.
Mars rules Aries the Ram and thereby my sheep. It also rules cars and movement. It rules arguments especially between opposing viewpoints. It indicates where we stand up for who we are. Obviously this period was well marked by Mars for me. It was the beginning of a journey where I have become more and more aligned with being who I am and how I wish to live my life. Expressing my own energy has become a central concern; I have embraced my own operating style and become more confident in my way of being. Much of this period has been involved in repairing my car and changing the basis of my relationship with my friend, so we are both stronger in ourselves.
As Mars began revisiting this same energy I read a blog and watched a TED talk on introversion bringing this issue back into my consciousness. I have been thrilled that my friend has developed the confidence to put on her own workshop. I attended this a couple of days ago. She was in her element, I felt out of mine. That is perfectly okay. I have since that time started this blog and know this to be my milieu. Our friendship is much stronger, we recognise our differences and respect each others strengths. Now I feel we stand side by side forming a congruent continuum rather than the tug of war we were experiencing.
Mars will now be going direct and we can finally experience forward momentum. This particular movement has not yet completed as we will have one more victorious sweep over this terrain, really laying the path down till the 19 June. Then Mars finally escapes beyond 23 degrees Virgo and starts pioneering new ground. So all the digging, refining and aligning we have experienced over the last five months has created ground well prepared to ensure our true energy can be congruently and fully utilised. We will be in possession of our full power.
Image: ’Mars’ by Diego Velazquez 1639-41 A rare moment of Mars in repose that suitably reflects the retrograde energy.
Related Post: This post rekindled my feelings about introversion and has links to an excellent TED talk. I Listen More Than I Speak http://orthographies.wordpress.com/2012/04/07/i-listen-more-than-i-speak/