I feel I have been expanding forever. Topping up my energy levels with light. Writing my blog. Servicing my clients. Getting out into the world. It has been a wonderful ride and yet I am feeling a little giddy and wondering what I want. This really focussed process has been going since last November. Scorpio to Cancer. That sounds like a gestation cycle to me. Lets see…yep, nine months by the end of Cancer. Time to bear the babe that Cancer is carrying. Come Leo, a new life will be revealed.
Anyway, I am feeling the impulse to birth myself. It is all feeling and no substance, just an aching desire. What am I nurturing? No idea? Is it a yearning for me or my inner child? Life feels too much: too much stuff, too much Gemini, too much out in the world, overwhelm and a desire to leave things behind. I wish stuff would clear out and leave only the pure.
Then the security needs of Cancer make themselves felt. I wish much to begone and yet that in itself makes me feel insecure. It is possible that my current life will fall away. My egg will break and I will have to emerge…fragile, innocent and unknowing.
The self is expressed in Leo. Whew! I have a month to remain in my cocoon. I pull around the warm ‘now’ and let myself just be. I ask what do I need? I am preparing myself for nakedness. I feel the Weird Sisters gathering around me and into their cauldron they throw decaying bits. The bacteria and enzymes will dissolve all attachments and let me form in another way.
I have been following this journey since November and I have created much; following each lead with a certainty. I have been feeling for the first time in a long while the fulfilment of congruence. As that alignment becomes evident, the dross falls by the wayside. The detritus of fevered activity, the rank by-product that creation has discarded is lying around putrefying. You should see my home at the moment. My Virgo Ascendant has abandoned it for other foci and now it is dusty with cobwebs and the stench of dead rats in the ceiling. This is all on the periphery as I concentrate on the centre making sure that my creations are getting the nurture that they need.
Now we are being pulled tightest by the Uranus-Pluto square. Whatever is happening and whatever we are feeling now is our call from the collective to participate in the changes. I know things need to be shifted and that I can’t drag old stench into a new life. What cannot be sustained, needs a radical shift. All this must go.
The cry of the old calling out to be saved is obscuring the new vision. But I have no answers, they are beyond me, I am being held tight in the tension of the wire. I love it all, the past and the future. I sense the wonder of the new birth. Many of us are feeling impatient for a shift, reckless in our yearning for release. “Bring it on!” we shout with bravado. Give me the final orgasm to sweep away the past and make the future clear. We crave freedom from our conundrums.
The energy is here! All that decaying activity of Pluto burning off the debris held in hell. Within the cocoon we have the witch’s soup, that swampy goop that is awaiting the lightning spark of Uranus to ignite and bring forth new life. We are transmuting and nurturing from the humus of the ages; waiting for that force that allows the new to emerge fully formed and beautiful. Like Botticelli’s Venus, love, beauty and passion comes from the sea of her father’s castrated loins.
And so back to me- mere mortal, wondering how to feather my nest, pulling around my cocoon, overwhelmed by helpless emotions; caught up in this cosmic play.
Yesterday the pressure urged me to break up the stultifying and intractable patterns of my life. What to do? I needed movement. Out of the familiar habits of our life I wanted to somehow shake up the routines. We had a prescription to fill, errands to run, our daily walk to do. Just to break with the monotony we piled into the car and drove miles to a different chemist, posted the mail in a different box and walked in a different neighbourhood. We paused at a cosy bar and were fed free sausages surrounded by different people. We connected with my daughter and joined a birthday celebration with people from the past, now becoming adults. Lovely! We returned home to a house without a fire. Our final radical act against the familiar was to sleep in our daughter’s double bed. She has an electric blanket.
There is some satisfaction that even in our familiar environment we can muster some spunk to shake up and alter our mind numbing routine. We slipped into another dimension, the same but different. There is joy and adventure in such little side steps into alternative reality. He he.
Image: Illustration by Virgil Finlay appeared in Famous Fantastic Mysteries, March 1943 in the story “Arc of Fire” by John Hawkins